3 hours ago
3
Noor NanjiCulture reporter
Spoiler warning: This article reveals details from The Celebrity Traitors finale and previous episodes
There have been murders, betrayals, a serious side-eye, and a fart that cut through all the tension.
And on Thursday night, we finally found out who has emerged victorious as the winner of The Celebrity Traitors.
Out of 19 contestants, just five remained. Traitors Cat Burns and Alan Carr, and faithfuls Joe Marler, Nick Mohammed and David Olusoga.
Soon, it was down to just three: Carr, Mohammed and Olusoga.
But in the end, it was Alan Carr who won the prize money, in a move that broke the internet - and left him in floods of tears.
"It's been tearing me apart, I'm so sorry," he howled, as he told his fellow contestants that he'd always been a traitor. "I'm an awful human being."
"You did brilliantly," the faithfuls all consoled him. "It's all right."
Social media quickly erupted with the news. "Alan winning the whole game after being the most obvious since the beginning," wrote one X user.
"Incredible television," wrote another.
His charity, Neuroblastoma, will get all the prize money, with the final pot coming to £87,500.
Spoiler alert! Watch the moment The Celebrity Traitors comes to a dramatic conclusion
Thursday evening's final episode was extended to 70 minutes on BBC One. It had a different start than usual, as all the celebs knew who'd make it to the breakfast table.
There was some very uplifting, and very un-Traitors-esque music, as we recapped some moments from each of the finalists' time in the castle.
As ever, Alan Carr - dressed in a dashing red coat - gave us some of the most memorable lines.
"Let's face it, I started this game a bit of a nervous wreck. I've thrown some really good friends under the bus, I've murdered national treasures in plain sight. I'm clearly a better liar and traitor than I thought I was."
Meanwhile, Marler noted that being in the final was "way more stressful than playing for England", while Olusoga said he was "completely amazed" to have made it so far. You and us both, David.
Next up was the challenge, with the remaining contestants getting on board a train named - of course - The Traitors Express.
The challenge saw them ripping up portraits of former contestants, which they seemed to take great pleasure in doing.
And Marler was the highlight here, being hit not once, not twice, but THREE times on the top of his head by the lid of a heavy wooden box.
Soon, it was time for the roundtable.
Burns and Carr did a pinky promise beforehand, pledging to stick together. "We've come a long way, I'm not going to throw him under a bus," said Burns, while Carr just giggled.
And Carr did stick to his promise - voting out Olusoga in the roundtable.
But, having slipped under the radar for most of the game, in the end it was Burns who got the most votes.
Carr looked like he was in a world of pain to be the last traitor standing. "Now I'm on my own, I feel terrified," he said. "I'm a loose cannon, a rudderless ship."
Social media and onlookers were equally disappointed.
"Caaaattt! I did NOT want Cat to be banished. A truly loveable traitor," said entertainment reporter Natalie Jamieson.
But there was no time to dwell on her departure. Before long, they were at the endgame - which was what we were really all here for.
The final four stood standing over the fire pit. And the Nick-Joe alliance broke down, just when it mattered the most, in a truly WTF moment.
Marler was painfully banished with the prize money in sight - after Mohammed voted him out. "It hurts to be stabbed in the back last minute like that," said Marler.
Finally, just three players remained in the game - Carr, Olusoga and Mohammed.
Carr, looking incredibly smug, voted to end the game. So did Olusoga, and it all came down to Mohammed, who did the same - which meant that Carr, as a traitor, was the winner.
Once he recovered from his bout of tears, Carr was able to enjoy the moment.
"What a roller coaster. I was awful at lying, I had no poker face and here I am a winner," Carr said.
And he even made light of that infamous murder - his best friend Paloma Faith in episode two - reaching over to host Claudia Winkleman in the final scene and touching her cheek.
"You've got something on your face Claudia," he said, with his trademark giggle.
The last few weeks of celebrity gossiping, scheming and the occasional fart may feel like one big crazy jumbled dream. But it really did all happen. And we will miss it.
